Backyards with Bolt: Episode 7
In this seventh episode of “Backyards with Bolt,” Vanessa Waechtler from CHIMO, introduced in the previous episode, discussed the relationship between mental health and safety.
Waechtler began the discussion with a thought experiment in which we imagine ourselves as a young girl growing up in an abusive household. She highlighted how women with abusive parents often struggle to escape this abuse later in life, such as with romantic partners. After decades of this abuse from various men, you would likely have low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, etc.
On top of this, society tends to blame the woman for her abuse. When someone finds out about a survivor’s abuse, they’ll say things like: “why are you still with him? Why haven’t you left? Why are you letting your kids grow up in this environment?” Waechtler emphasized that we “Don’t assume women can just walk away and that it’s easy to do so because it’s not.” People rarely ask “why is he abusive? Why can’t he stop being abusive?” as victim blaming is the default mindset for most of society.
In the second half of the discussion, Waechtler relayed how counseling can help survivors of abuse. “Abuse and mental health are intrinsically linked; they go hand in hand.”
Of course counseling can’t undo what has happened to a survivor, but there is power in being able to finally tell someone your story and have them listen to and believe/validate you.
Executive Director Vedanshi asked how friends of survivors can best support them. Waechtler said that there is no right thing you can say to a survivor you know. Instead, try and think about what you would want someone to say to you in that situation. Being there for them and being their friend is the best thing you can do.
When most people think of therapy, they imagine the stereotype of laying on a couch while someone sitting in a chair takes notes. Waechtler described how this is not correct and that therapy usually involves two equals sitting across from each other and having a conversation.
Waechtler is part of a talk therapy based program at CHIMO and thinks of herself as “an empathic mirror,” she’s there to actively listen to the client and reflect back the emotions presented, as well as providing any insights that she might have. She’s not there to give advice or force the client to take specific actions. Instead, she’s there to be a guide and support the client in their decisions
Further, your counselor is not your friend. Indeed counselors should be kind and supportive but their job is to challenge you (when necessary). Waechtler clarified that it may feel confrontational at times but it should never feel disrespectful. It’s useless for a counselor to confirm everything you say and tell you you’re right about everything; sometimes counselors need to point out other ways of looking at things.
There is a lot of stigma around therapy but Waechtler stated that it’s not as scary as some people may think: it’s really just a conversation. However, you should be prepared to do work because delving into your emotional experiences takes work.
Waechtler concluded by acknowledging other therapy programs at CHIMO, such as play and art therapy, and that certain kinds of therapy work best for certain people.
BOLT Safety encourages anyone interested and/or in need of help to try out therapy. Thus concludes this episode, stay tuned for episode 8!
You can access the resources mentioned in this post under the 'Safe Hubs' category on The Hub (see the image below).
If you, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call your local emergency services (9-1-1), or learn about other options (like shelters and crisis lines) in the Safe Hubs category of this platform.
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