Backyards with Bolt: Episode 5
In this fifth episode of “Backyards with Bolt,” Dr. Annalijn Conklin of the University of British Columbia (UBC) and Inspector Colleen Yee of the Vancouver Police Department (VPD) discuss how men can help women feel safer.
When asked how men can help women feel safer when walking down a street in the middle of the night, Dr. Conklin shared several ideas. Especially if the man and woman don’t know each other, and they are strangers, avoiding behaviours like catcalling or walking directly behind the woman can help. The man can even cross the road to walk across the street from the woman as an indication that the intention is not to follow the woman, and can help alleviate any potential tension of being followed. If the man saw something happening, calling out for help, and if possible, making it clear that the incident is being witnessed to make it more difficult for someone else who may, in seeing a woman walk alone, be considering her as a potential victim. Acts of violence are often opportunistic, so doing something to make that opportunity difficult to access can be a deterrent to a would-be perpetrator.
On the other hand, Dr. Conklin continued, if the man and woman know each other, the man can offer to drive the woman home, or if they have a friend that is a woman, asking her to accompany them on their walk home. Walking together in numbers is certainly a good strategy to ensure safety, especially at night. Conversely, if the man and woman are strangers, offering to call her a cab so she can get home safely is also an option.
Inspector Yee noted that in addressing this question, the first thought that occurred was that “I am responsible for my own safety”. Given that a lot of our communication is non-verbal, the way that we carry ourselves, from how we walk, how we hold our head, to how much attention we pay to our surrounding environment emits lots of information to anyone who may be watching. Predatory individuals observe the people around them to hunt for their potential victim, and they look for potential vulnerabilities.
At the same time, if it’s a dark street, the man can make the gesture of crossing and walking across the street, which shows that the man acknowledges that he may be making the woman feel uncomfortable, and putting that distance between them can alleviate any potential stress. Out of this nighttime street scenario, if say, two people get into an elevator, the man pressing their floor first shows the woman that you’re not going to the same floor. However, if it is the same floor you’re both going to, stepping out of the elevator first can send a message that the intention is not to follow the woman. In the case of a stairwell, for instance, allowing the woman to go up first and waiting until she’s out of sight can also be a way to help her feel safer.
When in places like nightclubs or other crowded environments, respecting physical personal boundaries becomes really important. Do not touch a woman uninvited in places like the small of her back, shoulder, elbow, or anywhere on her body. It is also important to pay attention to small talk, especially when meeting someone for the first time, and avoiding deeply personal or invasive questions like someone’s place of work or residence. Even though it may seem romantic or funny, avoid surprise visits to someone’s house or place of work, because that can cause anxiety about their privacy and safety.
Most importantly, when witnessing a situation where someone is in danger, avoid being a bystander and determine how you can safely intervene. An example of this would be yelling out, from a safe distance, that ‘Hey! Stop what you’re doing! I’m gonna call the police- I’m on the phone right now!’ while holding your phone up for quick dialing. As a witness or bystander, your own safety comes first, so while it is important to intervene, doing so in a manner that doesn’t endanger your own safety is key. Inspector Yee ascertained that perpetrators of crimes usually prefer to commit the crime in anonymity, so as a bystander, the scariest thing you can do to them is taking away that sense of anonymity so they are deterred from following through with the crime.
Men, doing what can be perceived as seemingly harmless things like catcalling, whistling, staring, in public spaces or workplaces, can in actuality cause significant stress and anxiety to the woman. They are not flattering for the woman. Inspector Yee also added that educating boys from a young age on what kinds of behaviours to avoid is an integral part of forming their understanding on how to help girls and women feel safer.
Co-Host Vedanshi shared her personal experience as someone living in residence on campus. As a resident, “when you’re trying to go up to where you live” and if an unknown person joins you in the elevator, and doesn’t immediately press the button to their floor, “it does feel a bit as if they’re waiting to see which floor you’re going to.” It’s insane how many times “I’ve thought of pressing the wrong floor and taking the stairs up the rest of the way.”
There are small things that can be done as a sign of courtesy to help alleviate this stress and fear.
BOLT Safety encourages everyone who may need help to reach out to locally available support services or even a friend. Stay tuned for Episode 6!
You can access the resources mentioned in this post under the 'Safe Hubs' category on The Hub (see the image below).
If you, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call your local emergency services (9-1-1), or learn about other options (like shelters and crisis lines) in the Safe Hubs category of this platform.
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